‘Damn it!’ As the echoing footsteps receded into the night-clad streets of Port Faran, Kharth staggered to a halt. Her oath rang off the walls around her, before jumbling into the background hum of crowds falling out from and between bars and clubs.

At the thudding behind her, she turned and tossed her hands in the air. ‘Lost them.’

Where she’d sprinted from the club, Logan had jogged. He stopped and looked at the branching streets away from the small square she’d pursued their quarry into, and blew out his cheeks. ‘They coulda gone anywhere.’

‘I had them,’ she grumbled, though she evidently didn’t.

He cocked his head. ‘And what were you gonna do if you caught up? Tackle ‘em? Fist-fight for the Idol?’

‘I…’ For days, they’d tracked the Idol across Port Faran. From the hands of the Swiftsure senior staff to a small group of xenobotanists from the Memphis to some of the Redemption’s pilots, ‘til tonight they’d confirmed their quarry would be at a nightclub, doubtless with the Idol on their person. Only for the young officers to bolt before they could pincer them on the dance floor, and flee into the night.

Kharth huffed. ‘Okay. I didn’t think that far ahead.’

‘Thought not.’

She turned to him, hands on her hips. ‘Didn’t you want us to win? The sooner we win, the sooner you get your damned expedition into the wilderness!’

Logan hesitated. ‘I don’t…’

‘Then if that’s not it, what the hell is eating you? You’ve been in a damned sulk for days!’

‘I’ve not been sulking.’

‘You have –’

‘We’ve been out tonight. Danced. Drunk. Got excitable about the Idol. Hunted down young officers -’

‘I’m not saying you haven’t been getting stuck in, I’m saying you made this agreement and have been really not fun to be around during it -’

‘Do I gotta be fun all the time?’ But even at the snap, he settled down quickly, gaze regretful. Behind them, a group of officers laughed out of a bar, staggering into the square and pressing on into the night, oblivious of their interruption. Logan looked away, and ran his hands over his hair. ‘I meant that it’s been a long night, so maybe not the best time to talk.’

Kharth faltered. He’d never snapped in their acquaintance – rebuked or corrected, or, failing that, withdrawn until she figured what she’d done. Or, rather, acknowledged what she’d done. This time, she didn’t have a clue what misstep had been made.

In a low, awkward voice, she said, ‘…do we head back and talk about it, then?’

When he sighed, she saw the frustration shift away from her and back to himself. He fell into step beside her, and the tension in her spine eased as he threw an arm over her shoulder, casual and comfortable despite it all. It was not, Kharth thought, an easy physical intimacy to which she was accustomed. And certainly not accustomed to accepting, to liking.

‘You saw the news,’ Logan said in a half-mumble, abashed as they began their wander through the humming streets of Port Faran’s nightlife hub and back towards their apartment. ‘Launch of the Enterprise.’

‘Sure,’ she said, not understanding at all.

‘An’ the new captain.’

‘…you’ve got to be clearer than this, Jack.’

His eyes went skyward, soaking in the rooftops, the strings of lights strung across streets, the hint of gleaming stars far above. ‘Captain Seven. A Borg captain. Of the Enterprise.’

‘Isn’t that a good thing? We’re moving past Frontier Day. An officer like her would have struggled to have a career once.’

‘It is a good thing.’ He looked like he was chewing on words, emotions plainly powerful but escaping vocabulary, containment, simple comprehension. ‘Shows an xB can be anything in Starfleet, if they earn it.’

Something cold slithered into her gut as she realised. He wasn’t unsure of what to say. He was afraid of saying it. ‘…you mean, you can be anything in Starfleet. Anything else.’

‘I’m not – it ain’t that I don’t want to be on Endeavour. She’s a great ship, a great crew, with a great mission. I just never thought about having options before. Not since…’ He gave his usual vague gesture to the side of his face.

She stopped, pulling away from him. They’d reached the water-front by now, and this late at night, the breeze in from the gleaming ocean brought a chill with it. ‘You’re thinking about leaving.’

He huffed. ‘I’m thinking I don’t have to make do in my career no more. Whatever that looks like. Maybe it is somewhere else.’

‘While I’m Endeavour’s XO. There is nowhere else for me – this is it, the best my career can be right now, the best I can be right now -’

‘I wasn’t about to say you gotta leave with me!’

‘You were just saying you want to leave!’

‘I’m sayin’ that for the first time in a decade, I feel like I got a choice! About myself, my life, who I want to be, what I want from it!’ He threw his hands in the air, frustrated and upset. ‘This is why I didn’t say nothing – because I made no decisions, an’ I knew you’d take it as a – some sort of judgement of you when – it’s not about you!’

She took a step back as if his words had hit her in the chest. ‘You wanted this, Jack. Us. I was – I was perfectly fine without you trying to turn whatever this was into something more. And now you’ve the damned audacity to say that decisions about your life don’t affect me?’

‘That’s not what I mean,’ he protested, but there was an edge to his voice. ‘An’ you know that’s not what I mean – don’t be pissed an’ fight me just ‘cos you don’t want to face this being difficult –’

‘I’ll be pissed if I want to be pissed!’ She took another step away. ‘Maybe you’re right. Maybe the Idol’s a stupid distraction.’

‘Sae…’

‘Maybe you should use this shore leave instead to think about what the hell you want. Without me distracting you. After all.’ She pulled her jacket tighter over her shoulders, cutting out the night wind, cutting out his plaintive expression. ‘It’s not about me.’

He didn’t follow her. That was how she knew this was really bad.

She didn’t see much of him the next day, suffering through coffee with Cortez, listening to her friend babble about a ceremonial event she’d attended with a date, only to run into Valance. The day after had been more hoverbike racing with Shep.

It took the day after that before he approached her, sitting at a waterfront bar with Shep late in the afternoon, as the sun began to tug at the horizon. Shep was canny enough to give them a wide berth, making bad excuses and going off to dance as Logan slid onto the bar stool next to her.

He sat there for a moment, shoulders hunched over, hands clasped together, and they were both silent for a while, until he said, ‘I ain’t going anywhere right now.’ His voice was low, gruff, and he didn’t quite look at her.

She had a swig of her beer, and studied the bottles lined up at the back of the bar. ‘You might. You’re thinking about it.’

‘That’s a problem for the future. Right?’

‘How distant a future?’ He didn’t reply, and she had another swig. ‘You better figure that out.’

‘I will.’ In the silence that followed, he sighed, and got to his feet. ‘M’sorry.’

He’d turned away before she reached out, hand grabbing his sleeve. Even on a hot day like this, he’d worn a long-sleeved linen shirt, covering the implants on the inside of his elbows, the collar high enough to obscure the metal on his chest.

She didn’t quite look at him as she put her beer down and said, voice thick, ‘I’m hitting Club Fortuna tonight.’

He paused at the clear invitation, shifting his feet. ‘I don’t wanna interrupt an Idol hunt night.’

‘I’m going with Shep and Cortez and the rest. So it’s not an Idol night.’ At last, she looked at him. ‘Not a lot of nights left of shore leave.’

His eyes raked across her face, studying, assessing. He nodded. ‘I’ll be there.’

It wasn’t a resolution. Of anything. But it meant she didn’t have to wrestle with being furious with him and missing him all at the same time, while they had days of nothingness – no duty, no distractions.

It was a late night together, and an even later morning, so when Kharth made it to the Seawall bar the next day, she had her sunglasses on, and had drunk about three bottles of electrolyte-charged water. Her greeting to Valance as she slid into the chair opposite was little more than a low, grumpy, pained grumble.

‘The same to you,’ Valance said mildly. She had a book and a tall, chilled, fruity drink, and looked like she’d not been at all inconvenienced by her XO’s tardiness. Kharth didn’t think of Valance as elegant, but there was something effortlessly dignified about her tall captain’s indifferent patience.

‘Forgot we were gonna meet up. Still got a few days of shore leave.’ Kharth put down her sunglasses and rubbed her face with her hand. ‘Which is good. Kind of had enough of this place.’

‘Once again, a sentiment we share,’ Valance sighed, looking her up and down. ‘Do I dare ask?’

‘No.’ Kharth studied her back, and saw the faint knot in her brow. ‘Do I?’

‘Definitely not.’ Valance turned away, gaze falling upon the beach. Down across the golden sands, officers played, relaxed, walked, laughed. Some were Endeavour’s, soaking up the last days of sunlight, but the crowd came from a dozen ships, a thousand experiences, all of them battered and worn by war and its aftermath, finally finding some rest. Some healing.

Allegedly.

Kharth followed her gaze, and sighed. ‘We’ve got orders, then, I guess?’

Valance nodded. ‘We head out the moment the scheduled leave is up. At pace.’

‘Like always.’ Kharth had a swig from her bottle, this latest mouthful finally making her feel a bit more alive. Functional. Able to fight. She straightened, looked across the table at her captain, and drew a deep breath.

‘Alright. That was fun. What’s next?’